Things fall apart real quick.
First off: - you are all amazing people and have my deepest thanks. You carried on where I failed. I couldn't have asked for a better lot.
But that ain't enough to fix what's left undone.
I've not been depressed or sad or angry or lonely. If anything, I've been doing pretty well for someone weathering college.
I've just been- what's the word- distant? Afraid to take the first step to a return?
Yeah, that's the word.
In hindsight, I oughta' have seen this coming. I become frightened of my own failures right quick, and it's all too easy to get stuck in one of those vicious cycles. I had a few chances to break out, but I didn't take 'em.
I've been on and off of Skype, checking in every few days but not having the willpower to make some noise. Then I hopped on today to see that those three fellows up there- Cloudbat, Aspen, and Corvus- had finished judging for the final round of Tourist Trap.
I'm proud of them.
Now I want to be proud of myself again.
It's been a while since I've done any proper writing. I've not been keeping up with the NaNos and my characters have gone dead silent. The real shame is how I kept saying I'd put an end to it. Every time I did, it didn't last long. Guess I never really made a big enough deal of it to make it stick.
Well, this's one way to do it, I suppose. No turning back.
I'm going to try and dust off a story or two. I don't think I'll be returning to OCTs any time soon- bad memories soured with time aren't going to turn sweet.
Can't just leave 'em either, though. It's a real quandary.
This is where most people would say they ain't looking for sympathy, but even that's become a cliché of those who're fishing for compliments. So I suppose I'll just ride the waves and fight the ocean- face the music and then make things better.
Beats doing nothing.